John Green, Paper Towns (via dryyoureyes-startbelieving)
Mom: Are you watching lesbian porn?
Mom: It looks like Lesbian porn.
Me: No, it's Orange is the New Black.
if magic isn’t real then how do you explain
It hardens because the chocolate cools on the cold ice cream. Put a bottle in the fridge and wait. It’ll be a hunk of chocolate
no i’m pretty sure it’s magic it even says “magic” on the bottle and it’s got a snazzy turtle in a hat a magician would wear with a magic wand